Dads are the Original Hipsters

When you live a whiskey-fast life, you’re bound to wreck your shit at some point. Luckily your dad’s liberal arts degree made him the Bob Ross of cast painting. He made injury attractive and women lined up around the block to show him “sympathy”. How do you think he met your mom?

Thanks to Steve for the awesome photo. 

Your dad rode vintage road bikes before you did and he’s got the saddle-smashed balls to prove it. He was a cadence-king of the century club who crank-kicked the shit out of his competition. His two-wheeled chariot was Campy fresh and lugged-steel sturdy. He deserves a yellow jersey for being a life-leader of the swag peloton.  

So hipsters, when you’re saddle deep in 70’s street style that you’ve ruined by converting it into a fixie with obnoxiously neon velocity wheels, remember this…

That bike was the only thing your dad rode harder than the Tour de Your Mom. 

Hipster street cred points if you can name the make and model of the bike in the photo.  

Big thanks to bippityboppityboo on tumblr for the photo. 

Your dad collected vinyl before you did and he’s got the first pressings to prove it. He was a curator of analog beats that has dropped a needle on everything from AC/DC to Zappa. The volume knob on his stereo didn’t go up to 11, it went up to natural disaster. And, when he blasted the Sex Pistols a 7.0 musical-magnitude Anarchy-in-the-UK-earthquake shook the foundations of everyone on his block. He had a 12 inch for every occasion and knew exactly which ones would make your mom’s body rock. 

So hipsters, when you’re dick-thumbing your way through garage sale tunes or picking up your favorite band’s new release on vinyl because digital “doesn’t have the same soul”, remember this…

Your dad wouldn’t taint his record player with what you consider music because his player’s needle only touches greatness. 

Thanks to Josh for today’s awesome photo. 

Your mom would have liked the shit out of your dad on Facebook if she could. Unfortunately Facebook didn’t exist because Mark Zuckerberg’s dad was too busy being gnar-awesome and forgot to make it. But, it exists now and you can show your dad that you think he’s the king shit by liking Dads are the Original Hipsters on Facebook. 

Check it out yo!

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dads-are-the-Original-Hipsters/184095661637773

Your dad wore a sleeveless jean jacket before you did and he’s got the homemade vest to prove it. Upon body diving into his denim street war suit, the sleeves of his pants jacket rage-sploded into a million awesome pieces. His arms were like Thor’s hammer because they delivered thunder-punches with the power of the heavens and burst through all fabrics that tried to contain them. His upper-body version of jorts also advertised his lady holders, which drew your mom to his side. 

So hipsters, next time you’re knife deep in a seam of your Levi’s sleeve and you’re dreaming of how “badass” you will look with exposed arms, remember this… 

You dad was sans-sleeves because they were just another thing in life that couldn’t contain the fury of manhood that he was. 

Thanks to Big-Things on tumblr for today’s killer photo.