Dads are the Original Hipsters

Your dad flashed man thigh in short shorts before you did and your mom has rubbed aloe vera on his sunburnt quads to prove it. You wouldn’t throw a tarp over a Picasso, which is why your dad wouldn’t cover up his walking sticks. They were god’s gift to woman that attracted lady-gazes whenever he took them, and his  pedestals for badassery that let him high-step it into the history books of seduction. 

So hipsters, next time you’re camel-tail deep in jorts and not realizing how terrible your emaciated twigs look when exposed to direct sunlight, remember this… 

Your dad’s legs were sculpted from granite and ass-kicking, which is why the world deserved to see them. 

Your dad wore short shorts before you did and he has the upper thigh tan lines to prove it. It takes a certain kind of man to pull off wearing what most would consider lady attire, but your dad was that man. He walked around with the kind of confidence that said he could properly sex any women, mollywhop any man and escape any law. People today call it swag, but your dad didn’t need a name for it because he had it everyday.

So hipsters, next time you’re cutting a pair of Dickies off to mid thigh so that you can ride your fixie without catching your shorts on your knees, remember this…

If you live to be half the man that your dad was, you’ll still be a disappointment, but at least you’re trying not to suck… which is a start, because you suck right now.