Dads are the Original Hipsters

Your dad was in an indie band before you were and he’s written the whining ballads to prove it. He was the Picasso of lyrical metaphors who birthed life into six strings every time he seduced the music from his guitar. To call him a genius is like saying the Swiss Alps are just hills. He was so far ahead of his time that his melodic masterpieces went unappreciated, thus making him the most indie of indie bands because nobody has every heard of him. 

So hipsters, when you’re dry-raping the frets in hopes you can “find your sound” and make it so big that hundreds of people know who you are, remember this…

Your dad can give you lessons when you’re ready to finally swallow your pride and ask. 

Your dad played in a band nobody had heard of before you did and they were so indie that even you don’t know who they are. Have you ever heard of the genre house-clash slam-punk fist-rock? Probably not, and your dad’s band invented it. They sounded like an amplified boxing match inside of a stampede. He was the ring leader of noise that gave sonic bitch slaps to eardrums and brought the ruckus so hard buildings were condemned when they left. 

So hipsters, next time you’re finger-raping the guitar neck in an attempt to sound like the Portland backwoods while dreaming of never making it big so that you never have to explain why you sold out, remember this… 

Your dad could actually play an instrument, and maybe if you gave him a call, he could teach you a chord or two that might get you laid by something other than your hand. 

ALSO, Dads are the Original Hipsters is officially in stock and ready to ship on Amazon. Here’s a link http://www.amazon.com/Dads-Original-Hipsters-Brad-Getty/dp/1452108854

Your dad was into indie rock before you were and he’s made the LP’s to prove it. His band’s name was “Velvet Plaid and the Cherub Child.” They were the  Flight of the Conchords of the 70’s and their debut album “With the lights on” was pure vinyl ecstasy with a side of instrumental seduction. It was described as being a musical joy-splosion that rained auditory orgasms and made love to people’s listening holes. To hear them perform was like losing your virginity for a second time, getting it back and then losing it again. Then, late one night after killing a set at the Fillmore in Detroit, you happened. He married your mom (the vintage Florence from Florence + the Machine) and the band became a family. 

So hipsters, next time you’re dreaming of being the next Bon Iver, Mumford and Son or Fleet Foxes, remember this…

Your dad’s band was so underground that Pitchfork hasn’t even heard of him. 

Thank you to Lucian for today’s great photo.