Listen up hipsters, did you honestly think vintage bikes were a new thing? No, your dad was a two-wheeled king before you were even falling off training wheels.
So, when you’re dusting off your dad’s old velo-swag in the garage and thinking about stealing his pedal-whip because you want to convert it to the most badass fixie ever, remember that your dad marked his territory by tea bagging the top-rail. You can wash a frame, but you can’t wash away memories.
Your dad celebrated Valentines Day before you did. This photo was taken in 1984, your dad was young, spry and a master seduction artist. His weapon this Valentines Day, you. His evil plan involved dressing you up, pinning a card to your jumper and giving your mom flowers.
You literally got your dad laid.
So hipsters, tonight when you’re cuddled up in your B.O. filled bed after a long bike ride around the city, talking about how corporate this holiday is and drinking PBR, remember this…
You helped your dad shoot his cupid’s arrow into your mom.
Your dad rode a bike before you did. When you dusted off his old bike in the garage, did you think by some form of velo-magic it had appeared there? No, your dad rode that thing hard when he was younger, just like your mom. And now, because of having to support you living in Portland, he doesn’t ride anymore. So what do you do? You come home for Christmas, steal his bike and then strip it down into a converted fixie. Well hipster, next time you’re doing a track stand on the corner of 6th and Davis St remember, your dad’s balls sweated on that seat first.