Your dad knew how to take an epic shot before you did and he’s got the photo composition skills to prove it. Back when a man could get shit-housed off a few dollars of sweat-pant money, he was out capturing the portraits that inspired Bob Ross to paint. He was a pornographer of mother nature’s beauty who exposed the world to sights they’d never seen.
So hipsters, when you’re taking panoramic iPhone 5 shots of nature’s wilds and attempting to share your moment of serenity on instagram so you can whore it out for double taps, remember this…
Your dad would be insta-famous if instagram was around when he was capturing his human experience.
Your dad used Instagram before you did and he’s got the gritty textured photos to prove it. He was a cross-processing, Kodachrome king that captured one second still-stories of his almost unbelievable life. While dome-rushed off developer fumes in a dark room, he perfectly made prints like a Picasso of the 5x7 canvas. Each shot was delicately treated to expose more than just the moment it captured. If a picture is worth a thousand words, his photos were worth a 34 chapter mystery-seduction-adventure novel of them.
So hipsters, when you’re attempting to take emotive square shots, and then layering effects over your images to cover up your lack of talent as a photographer, remember this…
Your dad was a real photographer, and every time you double tap an image, his camera shutter shudders from the disgrace you have brought him.
Thanks to EmmaFrozenPants on tumblr for the photo.
Also, you can pre-order your copy of Dads are the Original Hipsters the book here.
Your dad knew about photo filters before you did and he’s got the lens attachments to prove it. He was a master of world recalibration that used honed glass to send 35mm moments on drug trips. Each shutter pull shot 4x6 hallucinations and captured altered images through his collection of laced lenses.
So hipsters, next time you’re using instagr.am to show everyone on Facebook what your brunch looks like and you can’t decide on what filter makes it look best, remember this…
If your dad’s photos hadn’t inspired your app, everyone would be able to see how shitty of a photographer you really are.
Thanks to Madilyn for today’s hipster dad photo.