Your dad was an Apple Fanboy before you were and he’s attended the Keynotes to prove it. He was a Cupertino badass that repped the forbidden fruit logo harder than the Hell’s Angels repped their patch. The name “Bill Gates” was a curse word in his home and you’d get command key-stroke killed just for using it. He only needed one button to graphically interface his world because he appreciated the simplicity and beauty Saint Jobs crafted into every microchip masterpiece.
So hipsters, next time you’re rocking pants-granite over the newest iSomething or smugly sitting in a coffee shop looking down your screen at everyone tainting your Wi-Fi with their Dell, remember this…
Your dad can Command-E you out of existence if you ever step out of line or touch his iPad again.
P.S. Why do hipsters think Steve Jobs is so cool? Because he’s underground. (Too soon?)
Your dad owned an Apple before you did and he’s got the Macintosh Classic to prove it. Back when Steve Jobs was a mere mortal, your dad was a keystroke king of Cupertino freshness. He could command+option and control+shift shortcuts while flipping floppies. His body processor fired megabyte chills every time his fingers force closed an app and his wallet revolted at the thought of giving it up to Gates. Flying the rebel rainbow was in his blood and he’s been part of the Mac army since before PCs knew there was a fight.
So hipsters, when you’re anxiously awaiting the next Macworld Keynote while showing off your bitten fruit brand marked skin and looking down on PC owners for defiling the free WI-FI with their laptops at the local coffee shop, remember this…
Your dad can still Command Z your ass if you step out of line.
Big thank you to Nathan for today’s photo.