Dads are the Original Hipsters

Happy Friday hipsters. I don’t know what the shit is going on is this photo, but all of it is pure win. From the velo-swag kid in the background pulling an A.C. Slater on the chair, to Nana getting grape drunk in her fresh Nikes — this moment is priceless. Check out dad too. A normal bottle of vino couldn’t quench his liver’s Funday night thirst for inebriation, which is why he always rolled deep with a jug of Jesus juice. He didn’t just bring the party, he was usually the reason why the party got shut down and why granny has a DUI on her record from trying to ride her electric wheelchair home. 

I raise my box of wine to you sir. You are a life champion of debauchery. 

Post Note: I thought this was a legit submission and it is not. Turns out it is a David Lachapelle photo from his collection “Recollections in America.” My bad and please only submit your photos. Here’s a link to the rest of the collection. 

This is a prime example of when my life and this blog cross. I was sitting at my desk looking at submissions when I saw this one. No big deal right? Except for the fact that we were wearing the exact same flannel… Dads are the Original Hipsters. 

P.S. if you need me, I will be curled up in the corner accepting defeat while crying over a PBR.

Hey hipsters prepare to spit out your fair-trade, organic roast coffee all over your Macbook because you’re about to get photo-slapped in the dome-piece with truth. Try looking at the modern adonis above and deny his awesome. Yes, he’s rocking jorts and showing leg cleavage. Yes, he has face-carpet. Yes, he’s riding a velo-beast. He was a badass and never forget that half of your genes (and all of your style) come from a man that lived so aggressively that people mistook his partying for nature disasters. 

Your dad was a burly woodsman hipster before you were and he’s got the tree felling tools to prove it. He smelled of pine needle adventure musk that he earned from days of seducing woodland nymphs and lady hikers. His beard was elemental bulletproofing for his face and mother nature calls him her own. He’s the Mike Tyson of axe swings and the MacGyver of outdoor survival. He’s fought bears, tamed mountain lions and can call any woods creature to his aide with a whistle. He’s what makes the outdoors great. 

So hipsters, next time you’re bragging about your Best Made trophy lumber chopper (which will never taste tree) and you’re stroking your beard with smug self importance while staring at it on the wall like it is some sort of masculine art piece that makes up for the fact that you’re wearing skinny jeans, remember this…

Your dad could actually swing an axe. He wielded it against forest foes and slayed trees with it. It was a tool of manhood that he was never without, just like his knife, fists, flannel and fire starters. 

Thanks to Wyatt for the awesome photo. 

Dads are the original hipsters and you’ll get a roundhouse reminder of it if you ever forget. Your dad was a black belt in coma-kicks, murder-punching and justice. He’s chopped PBR cans in half and made Chuck Norris flinch. He would have spanked you as a kid, but it would have been considered assault with a deadly weapon. Looking back he probably should have.