Dads are the Original Hipsters.
The only moisturizer man hands need are 10W-30, condensation off a cold beer and other men’s blood. Your dad knew this and his fists were harder than hammers. His callouses had callouses and yet somehow his touch was still gentler than a rose pedal - just ask your mom.
Check out my new blog too if you have a minute. It’s called “I was an awesomer kid” and celebrates all the dope shit you did before becoming an adult.
With a whiskey-cold death grip on life’s balls, your dad raised you in his badass image. He taught you the finer arts of living dangerously and taught you how to recklessly chase happiness. Each day you walked in his shadow, and learned from the footsteps of his greatness. You were going to grow up to be an astronaut lion tamer who raced cars when you weren’t being a super hero. Your dreams were impossible, but that never stopped you from reaching for them. Introducing my new blog “I was an awesomer kid.”
It’s a photo blog dedicated to showing the world how awesome you were as a kid and challenges everyone to live like they were 9 again. I just started it, so feel free to tell me what you think about it and please submit your photos of you being an awesomer kid.
Your dad judged people before you did and he’s got the confidence-crushing comments to prove it. With a switch blade tongue and devastating wit, every outing was an opportunity to eloquently express why everyone was terrible and why everything was fucked. He was the Einstein of insults that looked down on people from his pedestal of intelligence.
So hipsters, next time you’re sitting in the coffee shop you work at carefully crafting your judgement from behind your fair-trade, organic, vegan, non-GMO, ethically produced, locally sourced cafe-bullshit and getting ready to drop some hate into the world, remember this…
The first person that ever judged you was your dad.
Your dad took selfies before you did and he’s got the mirror shots to prove it. Back when Polaroid was the original Instagram, he was immortalizing his awesome in 5x7 form. He was the Picasso of portraits, and each self-exposure was his signature on a roll of film. Developers from NYC to SF knew of his iconic images that painted landscapes of living like a hurricane of a man.
So hipsters, next time you’re picking out your filters for a quick selfie to get you through the day because you need “likes” to boost your self esteem instead of sacking up, remember this…
Your dad’s selfies weren’t vain ego stroking, they were stamps of approval on the carefully crafted work he had created.
Your dad was a badass before you were, and he’s got the poisonous friends to prove it. Somewhere between full throttle and lip locking death, he lived on the edge of existence with a fist full of whiskey. Fear feared him and humanity created rules in an attempt to slow his roll. Mother nature respected his wild ways because she sensed his kindred spirit.
So hipsters, next time you’re trying to look tough in all black and rocking full sleeves of Sailor Jerry inspired ink, remember this…
Your dad is the king shit of badassery and you’ll only be his court jester.