Your dad would never ride a moped. Mopeds are for people who want to ride a motorcycle, but prefer to feel the wind up their skirts. He rode a death-rocket with two wheels and pinned the throttle down until he reached hell-speed. Sure, he could have slowed down, but then he wouldn’t have been living.
Your dad was norm-core before you were. Just when you hipsters thought you’d stamped your post-ironic mark on style with an original creation, your dad has already done it and he’s got the turtle neck Sear’s Portrait Studio prints to prove it.